The Relevance of Change....

It was almost unbelievable to see her leave the school premises after sixteen years of service. There was not a soul she had not reached out to or helped during her presence in school. Her philosophy was attached to every lesson plan and her vision was pasted on the eye-catching displays on the soft boards. She had decided to spend some time with her children and family, and the teachers bid her a reluctant good-bye.

Before she left, she promoted me from the grade co-ordinator post to the Curriculum Planner for KS1. She had recommended my name on the basis of my strength to interpret the objectives of the core subjects in the British National Curriculum well. She had faith in my ability to transfer these targets to a set of relatively new teachers. It was a year of many changes and therefore, it was but natural to feel a little alone.

It was announced that a gentleman from South-Africa would be taking charge as the Primary Head. I had no picture in my mind and awaited his entrance a little impatiently. My work had begun long before he arrived and I was searching for an honest opinion related to my contribution to the system.

I was reporting to the Senior supervisor in his absence and was placed in her office as well. The comfort of being in the company of a woman was an invisible factor that eventually lead to some unfair conclusions on my part.

He was a smiling gentleman. He dressed with all the formality of a Junior Head. He had an accent that a lot of teachers found hard to interpret. He spoke politely and was always carrying his blue book to make his observations. He was learning the ways of the school and often approached me on issues that required cultural sensitivity. He met parents everyday and when I saw him interact with them, I found him quite thorough with the investigation and immediate solutions.

He was a little disorganized and the Yearly Calendar was a challenge to manage for him. He was able to meet the short end goals but the broader picture was unseen to him. He was loaded with new tasks and grievous parents who were probably also not being able to handle the sudden departure of a trusted human.

At such a time, I too was cluttered with comparisons in my mind. “She never used to throw these last minute tasks on my face!”,  “He keeps on asking me to update him on the way the school elocution was planned!”,  “He is quite lazy about informing teachers to plan their activities in advance!”  “He was Head of a school once, he should be familiar with the system!”

I was a little irritated by his extra attention. He constantly spoke in my presence and I would always keep my eye on my work to let him know that I was busy. He greeted my sons with a smile and once he gifted my younger son a huge tennis ball which he had probably received as a complimentary gift on a tennis match. My son loved it!

Whenever I would encounter a difference of opinion, I would head to my comfort zone, and discuss it with the management I knew so well. And before I knew it, I became a reliable source to relate about his parent management skills, his organizational skills and his plans for the Junior Department. I was unhappy with his entire approach to education and he was a complete disappointment in my mind. An opinion was being created about him that I didn't anticipate due to my personal feedback. 

The winter break was nearing and he had plans to go home. By now, I was completely confused about my role in the school. I was suspended in the middle of the Junior and Senior school. As a counter action I was placed in his office to assist him well with the intention of meeting less mistakes. That’s when I learnt life’s greatest lesson.

He was over-joyed to be traveling to South-Africa. I sat at my table looking at some teacher plans. “You know Ms. Shama, I have bought a DVD player for my daughter. She is going to be so excited to see it!”  I smiled at him. “Yes, she will love it!” And then he would go in deep thought. For the first time, I felt a little sympathy for him. He was happy like a child. I had never asked him about his family and so I thought it was an appropriate time to inquire, “Mr. H, did you buy anything for your wife?” “No, she is not very happy with me. She did not want me to come to work here and I believe this was a good opportunity, so I’m here against her wishes really. She will come around slowly.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. It must be a tough decision for you. I guess with time things will work out.” He gave me an appreciative smile and said,  “thank you Ms. Shama”, “ I believe change does take a little bit of time to seep in.” He gave me a meaningful look. And on that note, we left for the winter break. 

When he came back, he was a different man. He was more hopeful, more enthusiastic and a little more confident. We greeted each other happily. He said he had a good time with his daughter who had just loved the presents he had carried for her.

The school was soon to encounter its Ministry inspection and the chaos had to be put to rest. That is when he came under a lot of scrutiny. He was struggling to pacify the management who was still unsure about his capabilities. There was a complete new set of teachers that needed to be trained in many areas. I found it very difficult to remain detached from the complete erosion of quality and sometimes jumped into situations without his invitation. I tried to be tactful in trying to resolve issues that I had witnessed my previous supervisor deal with effectively. This however caused a series of disagreements and one fine day, he openly asked me to stop interfering with his way of doing things. I distanced myself and left him on his own.  

Every day I saw him facing the questions left and right. He managed to overcome a few disruptions but mostly felt lost. And then one fine day, he just didn’t turn up. He sat in his apartment, drained with pain and loss. 

He came back after three days of absence, feeling sick and looking pale. I was engrossed in a file when he entered the office. There was an awkward silence as the news of his breaking marriage and possible end of contract at school had spread fast. I looked him in the eye and greeted him. He replied likewise. Then he walked towards my table and stood looking out the window. “They have asked me to leave Ms. Shama. I am going back to South-Africa. Yes, I don’t want to stay here anymore. I want to go back!” There was pain and intense loneliness. I kept on looking at him, but he did not want to look at me. And it struck me at that moment…

He had walked in a stranger, new to a country, new to the people and with hope to better his life. He had come in with no assumptions and an open mind to learn. But I had rejected the change without giving him a fair chance. I had comparisons that made it impossible for him to create a small space for himself. I could have been his right hand, but instead I chose to criticize his different manners. Had I accepted his authority, he could have exercised his beliefs with more confidence. So what, if he was a man? Instead of being professional, I had become personal? I was just the person to help him succeed in his endeavours. And I had failed miserably. It was not just his failure but the failure of an entire department.

He left quietly, feeling unachieved, but his relevance in my life stays strong. Today, I accept change with a simple antidote, “ let go and expect the best to come!”

I have learnt never to allow my emotions to get in the way to make reason. Change is inevitable. Welcome it with hope and embrace it with all honesty.