A Miniature World

The parent was extremely upset. He was fed-up of the teacher’s inability to manage the rowdy lot in the class. I had heard about his constant visits to the Headmistress’s office pleading for some form of change. The teacher was spoken to many times but it had been futile. The children had been together since Kindergarten and the parents, though from different countries, knew each other well. There were days of calm and then there were sudden outbursts of foul language and snappy remarks. The teacher was equally horrified but was unable to connect to their trying behaviours. She was quite dignified in her own personality and looking at the great job she had done in raising her own children, it was quite obvious, the concept of 7 year olds exhibiting such gangster qualities was completely alien to her.

The Parent Teacher Meeting was in full swing. It was the first year that I was not in a classroom loaded with the responsibility to transfer honest solutions to the parents. I missed that incredibly after being placed in an office. It was far more rewarding to interact with minds that could be moulded. I walked around the corridors to ensure that my teachers were comfortably handling the evening. Some would smile back while others would be completely engaged in deep conversation.

I saw him standing outside the Year 2 classroom. He was controlling his anger. I recognized him as I had seen him many times in the school. He had just come out of the meeting with the teacher and appeared quite annoyed. I heard him talking to another parent, “I am not going to let my son learn all this nonsense. I am asking for a section change!” He stormed to the Headmistress’s room. She was not in her office. He started to roam around the corridor adamant to put an end to the chaos.

I felt sad for him. He was a worried father. As I entered my office, I was approached by the receptionist, “Ms. Shama, Can you please meet this parent? He will not leave without talking to someone about his problem and the Headmistress has quite a few parents lined up to meet.” I was unsure and told her, “If he wants to meet the Headmistress, he should wait. I don’t think he would want to meet me instead.” She motioned me to get inside the office. “The Headmistress has met him many times and there are other parents whom she needs to give her time. He has his son in Year 2. You know the problems!” I agreed to meet him and invited him to my office.

He was a middle aged man. He entered the office and I stood up to greet him. He sat down and quite naturally demanded a synopsis of my credentials. I understood his reservations to have been directed to meet someone he did not recognize much as a symbol of authority. I gave him a polite introduction and my confidence transmitted, encouraged him to open up his thoughts.

“I am worried about my son. Sometimes he surprises me with the language he uses. I mean, we don’t teach this type of nonsense at home!” His arms were folded which indicated an absolute made up mind. “The teacher has no control over the class and frankly to allow such children in the school who talk like that! I really don’t think I want my son to stay in this class anymore. I would like to change the section. I know this will upset him, but any other room than this classroom!”

I listened to him intently. He was very articulate about his worries and stressed on the need for a solution. “Mr. X, I am really sorry to see that you are so disappointed at this moment. I understand your concerns…” He quickly jumped in, sensing the direction of the argument. “I don’t think you understand my concerns that well. I am not going to go with the usual remarks of ‘we understand’ and ‘we are working on it’!” I smiled at him. “I know that quite well and that is not what I was going to say! I will find a solution to this problem if you will place a little trust in me. But, before that I think we need to look at your option with a little more objectivity?” I needed his approval to help him frame a better decision.

He gave me a little credit for giving him all that time and placing all my energy into the problem. “Alright, what do you have to say about that?” I hoped like always that I would be able to find the right words to express my opinion so as to convince him.

“Mr. X, I would first like you to understand that the choice remains entirely yours to opt for a section change. I on the other hand, would never take that as an option for my child.” He wanted to interrupt but then decided to let me continue. “You see Mr.X, as parents, we have much in common. We want the best of everything for our children. We worry at the slightest error and mostly about things that are beyond our control. I am actually quite a bit like you. I have two sons. I teach them well. I also would never want them to use any foul language or gather around bad company. I don’t think any parent does.” 

He nodded agreeably, “Of course, but I know this child’s father. He is abusive in his language and that’s the example that he is setting for his child. But why should that influence my child? I do have the right to stop that interaction which plays negatively on his mind.”

“Yes, you have all the rights. But tell me Mr. X, Do you think we have a perfect world? Do you think that tomorrow when our children will go out in this world, they will not encounter any ugliness? And how many times will we be there to protect them or stop them? Our job is to teach them right from wrong. We need to build their conscience in such a manner that it guides them to the right path. We have just one world Mr.X. The solution to change the section will not work well in the long run.”

He placed his arms on his lap giving in a little. “I understand that, but when I know that this child is not a good influence on my son, I do need to do something about it. I mean I can pity him for having a father like that. But, for me, my son is all that matters to me.” He was honest and forthright.

“I agree. But for me, they both remain important. I am an educationist Mr. X. If I give up on a child, then I really have no right to be where I am today. I do know the child well and am aware that he is academically gifted. Yes, his influences from home may be jarring for you and me. But, I can speak to the father about it. I will definitely speak to the child about it. The point is, when we want to make amends, they are possible only when everyone is ready to play a part. The stress would probably be felt most by the child than the parent, so I would like you to keep your patience in the process. It will take time and we can keep communication open at all times to get through this issue together. In the meanwhile, I’ll keep a close friendship with both the boys to teach them about getting along well and respecting each other.”

He left the school telling me that he was happy to have met me and looked forward to working on Mission One World together! I spoke to the teacher and visited the classroom for many days to help her frame a discipline plan for the class. I called up the problem child’s father for a meeting the following week. He tried his best to avoid all issues related to foul language and I had to offer him my blunt view on the need to exercise a little self-control. I informed him about my plans to regularly visit the classroom to monitor the behaviour of his child and that he would receive a weekly update on the expected improvements. His body language indicated his understanding of the intensity of the situation. I called the boys off and on into my office for the next two months and with time the issue was resolved.

A classroom is indeed a miniature world for our children. They learn most of their skills to handle situations in that little space. Changing the section is an escapist act that, although remains a right to a parent, is most undesirable. To expect the world to change for your child is unrealistic and impractical. 

The only way to meet the imperfections of this world is to prepare our children well and equip them with a sense of right and wrong.