Relationships Take Time

The beginning of a new term brings hope for every life that comes in collaboration to meet the basic objectives of growth and progress. Whether it’s the student, teacher or parent, there is the desire to be able to achieve new targets and in some cases, fix or amend the previous year’s errors.

Here, the point that I would really like to highlight is the complicated levels of expectations that come together at one time. Parents look at the teacher as the magician who would sort out their problems at once. The teachers look at the parents imagining a perfect synchronization of thoughts. The students in the meantime carefully study both parties well to absorb their overwhelming energies.

The Orientation Day is specifically organised to break the ice for all joining hands for the coming year. The teachers meet with their prospective students and parents to discuss classroom systems and the School Programme.

In my initial years as a teacher, my focus of discussion with the parents was always the class rules, the class time-table, homework policy and assessment procedures. I thought, once these were discussed and outlined well, the chances of a confused or blinded year would decrease incredibly.

Still as the year progressed, I realized the number of issues related to these class rules, time-table, homework and assessments would always be on a rise. It was baffling. Despite such clear instructions and discussion on policies, the level of understanding and execution would become a task. The entire first term would be dedicated to seeking a common ground to move forward. My entire focus would be meeting humongous expectations to be able to do a good job.

And then with growing years, I learnt that there was one very important point that I would always miss out or forget to discuss on the Orientation Day each year. To most, it was common sense, but to me, if not placed in words it had the power to uproot an entire plan.

“Relationships take time,” I pointed out to a group of parents who sat across the classroom listening carefully. “To think that we have met today and therefore know each other really well now, is an unrealistic and fairy-tale thought!” A few heads nodded in agreement. “I am a teacher. I’m excited to have your children with me this year. I’m sure, each one is special and has plenty of contributions to make. It’s thrilling to have this diversity of thoughts and ideas to learn from.”

The room remained silent. It was an important message that was being conveyed and all were interested to hear and see what the ‘magician with her magic spell’ was planning to do for their children.

“Some of you would like to see your child’s handwriting improve this year and for some, the Literacy skills need to be enhanced. I’m sure each one of you has some hidden desire that places your child on that coveted spot that you truly believe to be his/her destination.” There was agreement.

“I’m more interested in knowing how you’re going to achieve that!” The question came from a concerned father. I handed them all a piece of paper with a pencil. “Please write down your areas of concern related to your child this year. Everything that you would like him/her to achieve.”

The responses were as anticipated. A whole list of concerns, some as long as 10 points. One of them tried to hand me the paper but I motioned him to keep it.

“Now, Look at the list carefully again. Underline the most important points that you feel cannot be ignored at all.” They followed as instructed. Some understood the objective of the activity and realistically analysed their concerns while others felt strongly that all 10 points were pertinent and couldn’t be ignored. As a teacher I secretly marked the names of these parents to call them in for independent meetings and convince and help them frame more realistic and useful goals.

“I will collect these from you to help work out programmes to engage your children and get you copies to carry home. It is important to discuss these points with your children who at the end of the day will need to put in an effort to make our set plans a success.”

The idea was not to accept or decline any concerns but to help parents understand that each year begins with a few set targets that everyone agrees upon. We have a jumbled up mind to begin with and feel overwhelmed with so much to achieve. Having realistic expectations can free the mind of much anxiety and fear of failure.

In life, we plan to do many things. However, everything cannot happen together at the same time. We need to prioritize and break up our goals onto a time-line beginning with what we consider as the most important.

The journey is spread over a year. To achieve all set targets, teachers need time and space to build a positive relationship with the student primarily and the parent as well. To expect results in a month or two is a false notion. Teachers who promise you rewards in short time periods aren’t really working on leaving long-term impressions.

Like I said, Relationships take time. They need clarity of thoughts. Mutual understanding on objectives and consensus on what’s most important to achieve.