I Really Feel It Is Important To Say It

I really feel it is important to say it.

July has only reinforced that something is terribly wrong with our men and this sense of ownership. So many cases of torture, rape, murder and plain brutality. All owing to a sense of power and accepted ownership.

As a mother of 3 boys, it pushes me to reflect on small moments and incidents in my life that truly needed a conscious effort and courage to make a statement. A statement to protect my children's humanity over an exaggerated definition of masculinity.

I'm sure so many mothers have done this, and I am not at all trying to glorify my role in any way as I still struggle to safeguard my children's rights, but more so, this is an attempt to highlight the need to be vigilant and brave while bringing up a boy.

I will share examples from each one of my boys because they are all so different.

My youngest one has always had the softness when it comes to being in the company of his much younger female cousin. Having no sister, he has the affinity to get amused by the opposite gender, and while entertaining her, I often sense his anxiety and fear of her getting hurt in many ways. If she runs too fast or cries because her doll got wet in the rain! I find his careful body language so promising. Even when he raises his hand to pat on her head to console her, he takes a moment to wait for her approval. When I asked him to just give her a hug, he said, 'She might not like that.'
I knew I had to give his cautious approach some credit. Thinking before doing anything is such an admirable quality in him. Especially when it encompasses others and their feelings. And so I told him, that he was wiser beyond his years and he should never ever change.
I really felt, it was important to say it.

My middle child has brought so much sanity in our lives. Hugging his brothers, asking his father to not shout and say things politely because they won't lose meaning either ways, sit in a room full of charged cricket fanatics in Lahore Pakistan (notice I used the word Lahore) supporting the Australian team because it isn't about unreasonable loyalty, but skill and logic. It is about playing the sport better.
Getting bullied but not moving an inch from what is logical, I was amazed by his ability to argue his stance, yet leave the room in a smile because Australia won.
I knew I had to acknowledge his rightful stand and told him, "I am so proud of you. You didn't allow your emotion to run over the reasoning. Keep shining my dearest Haadu!"
I really felt, it was important to say it.

And finally my eldest one. He was only 2 when his docile nature started to aggravate the people around him. Each time he was in a crowd of kids and there was a conflict on who gets the bicycle to ride, someone would always force it out of his hands. He would never resist and let it go. There would be visible anger in the family and he would hear cruel statements indicating his frail masculinity. The one who was able to conquer the toy was declared a hero.
I would take him on a side and tell him, "Good boy, it's never ok to take anything by force. And no need to take it personally when the comparison is with hooligans and bullies. You are not one."

I really felt, it was important to say it.

And in all these incidents, my boys were displaying character qualities that both boys and girls are capable of. Nothing extraordinary, but because our society and culture doesn't really associate these traits such as empathy, logic, and consent as masculine enough traits, raising boys as good humans becomes a task.

These are just some examples. As a mother, I have had to challenge and triumph many such moments.

Rest assured you will always find yourself alone. A new mother will have a million doubts, but trust your human instincts. Don't look at your child as a boy or a girl. Look at your child as a human being, capable of all emotions, all reason and all individuality. It takes patience, perseverance and a strong resolve to protect your boys from drowning into this vicious cycle of false masculinity that is driven by indifference, dissent and emotional abuse.

And it never stops. So you shouldn't really sit down and think it's all OK. If you have the support of your husband, it will become easier, but difficult doesn't mean it isn't achievable. My boys are much grown up now, and I still hold my fears as a mother when I hear such brutal news of men being inhuman. I still pray for them to hold enough strength and resilience to keep their humanity in tact.

It starts at home. And if you think that words won't do much, you're underestimating the power of striking it at the right time. Give words to those emotions that your boys express through their everyday actions and interactions. Reinforce their kindness, logic and respect for humanity.

I really feel it is important to say it. 

A World Without Teachers

 

Imagine a world without teachers.

Not such a far-fetched idea you’d say, considering the changing world and the engagement of artificial intelligence and smart knowledge engineering. Robots taking over the talking. A specified software to deliver the curriculum and the freedom to change your chat bot! Undoubtedly, Science and technology are tools integral to human development. And while science explains matter, technology is all about the experience, a digital transformation.

But before we measure our readiness to live in a world without teachers, we must pause and ask ourselves the following questions: Are we ready to hand over our fate to a faceless machine? Do we agree on forfeiting our human connections? Will technology support our ethics while allowing us to exercise our free will?

If you struggle with answering these questions, just walk into a classroom today.

The teacher will be waiting for you, so do not be late. She has carved certain expectations because she believes in your abilities. You love craft work, so she has added in some kinesthetic activities to customize your experience. She has jotted down a plan for the day but is ready to make modifications if you are experiencing a personal struggle. She can read your sorrow and will lend you an ear to drown all your pain. She knows that your academic performance isn’t just about your grade, it is also influenced by your narrative, and where you stand in life. She will not judge you. Trust, conviction, expectation, persuasion, and hope will create a relationship that will place human happiness and well-being on top.

Your teacher will remind you of your talents when you’re feeling unsure. She will scan every stationery shop to buy the right tools for you to start polishing your skills. When you stand up to speak in front of the classroom, she will nod her head in agreement to get you started. She will filter all the negativity and replace it with assurance and optimism. Later, you will find a personalized note left at your table praising you for displaying courage and confidence.

Yes, teachers deliver the curriculum, but they also nurture the future generations. They hold strong ethics and are navigated by a sound moral compass. They transform learning into curiosity and exploration, not just of the subject, but of self. They recognize the rights of the children to express their free will, having opinions, contradicting ideas and perpetuating solutions. Teachers infuse patience for discussion, collaboration and a sense of acceptance for the incomplete and the unresolved.

So even though it is possible to imagine a world without teachers, just because we can, doesn’t mean we should!

A world without teachers, will be a world without humanity.

Why is Barney a Better Teacher (Revised)

It was amazing to see my two-and-a-half-year-old son sing along with his imaginary friend, tapping his feet and enjoying the happy tunes. He learned something new every day watching the show and I never had to worry about him being bored. It got me thinking. What makes Barney a special teacher?

I started with the dress up. I checked my wardrobe. Not many interesting clothes I would say. As I scanned the stacked-up layers, my eyes fell on the ‘silly’ patched up gypsy dress that I had worn to class while celebrating ‘Magic’ as the Literacy Club theme. Children had come in dressed up as witches and wizards, but what took their breath away was to find their teacher dressed up as the gypsy woman with her crystal ball. We turned off the lights, closed the blinds on the windows and with the beam of a small torch in hand, we created the magic of storytelling, which ended up in a wild chase as I ran after them playing catch. There was fun and laughter and yes, lots and lots of learning. I realized the effort that had gone into creating that moment and decided a fortnight dress up was possible. 

The next challenge was singing songs. Not a very comfortable space for many. I mean I do not want to sound raucous and become the ‘joke.’ But then there is no denying the power of music and songs on learning. And really, have you heard Barney sing? He is a disaster, yet children are mesmerized, and the songs say so much about friendship, love, empathy and working together. Lessons learned for life. So clearly, we don’t need to be a Britney Spears, and the children are not really looking for one either. When we come in with our lesson plans to teach them something new, why can’t we try something new ourselves? We teach them about not being ashamed of mistakes and failures, yet we dare not take the plunge ourselves. And so, if Barney can sing, so can we. 

Another important learning outcome that comes through Barney as a teacher is that he generates point of views through ‘make-belief’ situations and stories. I remember in one of my literacy lessons, I was teaching my Year 3’s about perspectives. And to help them understand the idea of viewpoints better, I made up a story to share with them. “Once when I was your age, my mom dropped me at the hairdresser for a hair-cut. She had to run some errands, so she described the details to the lady and left to come back in some time. As soon as she left, the hairdresser asked me to sit and wait. I saw her attend other clients who walked in after me. I knew she was doing something wrong, but I didn’t say anything.” The story instigated many different responses. “Why didn’t you tell her that she should cut your hair first?” “She was being unfair!” Another sided with me saying, “It’s hard to be alone in a situation like that when everyone is older than you and you can be afraid.” To counter her, “But if we stay quiet, our mom will come back and be upset. She will fight with the lady.” All these points of views were a result of a made-up story that they could relate to and attach their emotions with. 

Barney is also a great Mr. Fix-It. He can turn the children’s mood around, teaching them right from wrong. This skill requires a lot of observation on part of the teachers. Children carry their own energies to the classroom, and they have their individual needs. A fix-it teacher is sensitive to any silent cries for help. Sometimes a small thing, like being unable to answer a question can become a heavy burden to carry through the day for the child, and a good teacher will quickly respond by creating an opportunity for the child to come through successful. This saves the mind from shutting down for the day. My eldest son always forgot his stationery at school, and I used to struggle with his forgetfulness, to a point it became the most important question and task of the day. And then walked in this fabulous teacher who read his anxieties and struggle with organization and took the initiative to label every piece of stationery he had, allotted special spaces for him to place his materials and gave him reassurance that it was not him, but his struggling skills that could be improved through planning. She fixed it for him ensuring the learning continued.

Moving on, Barney can also be admired for his engagement with the children through the entire learning process. From setting up the learning space to planning what needs to be learned. Whether it is arranging the furniture, designing displays, or creating props, the children have the right to voice their opinions in each and every matter related to the learning process without it being a cumbersome task. Progressive teachers invite their students to participate in decision making debates. I experimented with this idea by taking on the responsibility for my Year 3’s to plan the Earth Day. I will say we initiated the process two months in advance because when you engage children in the planning, you need to keep a safe margin to work with. The children decided on the stations to set up, recyclables to collect, games to play, dances to prepare and instruments to construct! The event was organized with great enthusiasm but quite honestly, the running of the programme offered them so many challenges. The beauty of these problems was that they gave birth to solutions. For example, the decision to replace paint brushes with simple finger painting due to miscalculation in number of children visiting the station taught them an important life skill. We had some teachers complain about the children being disorganized or the experience being less than perfect, but the amount of learning that came through finding solutions and taking spot on decisions was invaluable. 

Last but not the least, Barney loves to role-play. Role-play is actually a great tool to understand children and their desires. While teaching my students about ‘adjectives’ I asked them to role-play their favorite jungle animal. A quiet, petite and shy girl in my class surprised everyone when she roared like a lion and pounced on her classmates. They identified the lion in her, being ferocious, powerful and kingly! A simple role-play act ignited the fire in a child to prove that people can be superficial in their opinions and looking beyond the obvious is really important. 

And so, to conclude, the qualities I listed for Barney as a teacher represent a time and era teachers were supreme. They made decisions for their children. They were leaders and took complete responsibility for their actions. They were not driven by deadlines, definite structures, and unrealistic expectations. They were the ones who guided the decision making and policy building in the school. Today, it has become increasingly difficult to be a better teacher, because we have started to burden the teachers with clerical procedures and fancy records to fill in. We have taken away from them, the joy of discovering the learning alongside their children. There is no time to reflect on what we implement today, yet we keep training them for the future. 

Sometimes an imaginary dinosaur is all you need to understand that education isn’t necessarily about the right curriculum, the definite indicators or the infinite documentation, but rather an unforgettable human experience. 

Environment Conservation and a Generation of Thinking Children

A generation of thinking children is the only promise that can contribute to the survival and conservation of our planet. Understanding that logical reasoning and critical thinking is the sine qua non of ecological literacy, is integral to set our focus on developing the necessary thinking skills which research has shown can be comprehensively taught to our children.

The human cognitive process begins through early childhood development. Colours, shapes, patterns and the initiation of descriptive language gives way to the understanding of the world around us. As the five senses begin to interact with surroundings, the brain is stimulated to experience unexplored possibilities.

This process of exploration and discovery is reinstated and fortified in schools. And while debates, analogies and story analysis all support and prepare students to present a rational argument, problem solving in a mathematical setting further nourishes their inductive/deductive reasoning skills. Art is taught in most schools as an extra-curricular subject. It is treated as a form of recreation with little creativity involved.

In many ways, art makes children tolerant and accepting of others’ ideas and viewpoints. This diversity of ideas makes them open-minded and they learn to welcome point of views outside their own. Furthermore, art gives children a voice of their own. They become confident about their distinct expression.

Educational institutions can play a key role in nurturing the thinking skills of our children in a way that they understand their role in the conservation of the environment or the prevention of wasteful use of resources. Engaging all voices to initiate this logical debate on why we need to eradicate poverty, shift to renewable resources, combat single-use plastic, and talk about the need for climate action will effectively promote a more sustainable plan of action backed by logic and reasoning. From knowledge to understanding, application to analysis and evaluation to synthesis, critical thinking offers a range of possibilities for the human mind to explore.

Furthermore, modern day educational institutions are also encouraging the engagement of technological tools to facilitate and stimulate the thinking process of its children. And although the counter argument to this popular viewpoint does highlight the negative impact of technology at a young age, we cannot dissolve the need and obligation to equip tomorrow’s generation with their fundamental right to access the knowledge and apparatus that would aid their critical thinking evolution.

Today with the use of technology and the availability of innumerable connectivity platforms, educational institutions are far more equipped to motivate and encourage their young children to collaborate and develop initiatives to lead and meet the environmental emergency. This is evident in the global climate change movement that is being led by school children. What started in small individual pockets has now become a collective force, across the globe. Their ideas have crossed the borders, across the demarcations of the first world and the third world countries. Their voices hold the bitter truth for all world leaders, decision and policy makers stating aptly their failure to deliver and walk the talk. Children across the globe are exercising their democratic right to hold their leaders to account and remind them of their responsibilities by offering innovative solutions and contributing their time and space to uphold the Global Goals.

The school movement and the recent Climate March on 20 September across all the countries has shown that the kids mean business. They are ready to safeguard their rights and understand their role in arbitrating with all stakeholders for their sustainable future. They are presenting their case to the world by leading rallies on climate action, by writing stories and spreading awareness on the sustainable development goals, and through their involvement in devising creative solutions opting for sustainable alternatives.

The impact of critical thinking and the positive tilt in educational techniques has shaped a new generation of young thinkers who recognize the power of words, the urgency to take action and the pressing political will to deconstruct destructive lifestyles and damaging attitudes. Now is the time to support these sane voices who will inherit this earth and therefore have the right to become the architects of their sustainable future. We can do so by promoting their efforts and supporting their resolutions pushing for actual policy change.

Environment conservation is an enormous task that cannot be addressed without a critical resolve to find solutions. Creating sustainable human communities is a possibility only when we are fully immersed in the problem-solving process with our children and we raise them with an awareness of the country’s sustainable goals. Providing them with platforms to express and engage with problems, inviting them to lead green campaigns with confidence, and allowing them to innovate for change is the only way forward. Given what we are witnessing these days, the children are more than ready to lead the way as they understand that it is their future that is at stake.

Trust Your Silence

This article is for all those brave souls who venture in their work place to walk the talk. The ones who do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do. The rare breed that dwells in possibilities, despite the nauseating negativity. The few, who are always ready to walk that extra mile to make a difference. For the ones who are driven and united in their conscience. To the team of believers.

Believers as I call them, face innumerable trials because of their transparency. That is one trait that is often exploited by the many around them who like to keep their plans undercover because that is the right way to move up the ladder, as per their conception. The right move, at the right time. Often, surprises await our naïve believers who cannot fathom anyone having the time or desire to scheme or plot a sequence of events to undermine their hard work. Their clarity and lucidity are compromised many a times by colleagues to meet personal and work place political agendas.

A work place with believers is also a happening hub because it is run by fierce opinions and loud expression. Often believers are selflessly sharing and you would always find them engaged in debates and discussions, looking for solutions. This makes them stand out. Their ideas bring success. The limelight and center-stage are second nature to their existence. Therefore, sometimes when their confidence and conviction is tagged as negative or bullyish, they fail to comprehend the argument that never cropped up in an open forum or reached out to a panel of discussion. They are communicators always ready to talk. The selfless believers being labeled selfish is another ordeal they are pushed to counter.

Moving on to another unwanted challenge that our believers battle with, circles around the crowd that is often looking for relief and escape from the competitive environment that they are working in. Creating comparison between two completely different individuals. Diverse in their roles, personalities and productivity. Promoting one against the other with the aim to trigger the importance of their own wellbeing, and setting the stage for a veto. Here, the believer, despite understanding the careful distribution of chaos, fails to combat the undue equation because he/she believes that the success indicators aren’t governed by personal choices or an individual’s popularity graph. That pleasing the crowd at all cost isn’t the objective of being an effective leader. Therefore, the failure to bend often breaks our believer who isn’t a politician in spirit and doesn’t have the patience for games at work.

Also, all believers I believe are ethical professionals. You will never find them crossing lines or undermining the hierarchy at their work place. They are defined by their roles and respect the jurisdiction of every appointment and position. Therefore, they do not believe themselves to be the solution to every problem. They are comfortable to share their advice and guidance, but always refer or move the problem to the concerned person or department. Here, again, they are faced with queer expectations and behaviors. Their empathy and compassion are put to question often with competitive colleagues trying to construe a new leadership model. One where the leader is responsible for each and every need of his/her team. One who must feel the responsibility to find a psychological, emotional, technological or any other scientifically imaginable solution for his team. Where every solution is found in one room. And there is no need to follow channels and seek professional help. The believers find themselves being targeted once again while their competitors get busy exemplifying themselves as approachable and creative counselors. Convenience and likability are favored over skilled profiles and specific qualification. Hence, unethical comrades become a daily bother and obstacles to the smooth functionality at work.

Conclusively I believe many reading this article might suggest that the believers really need to learn from their experiences and add more flexibility to their profiles. That being discreet can help at work, and learning the tricks to endure a competitive environment are integral to survival and success at work. All these pointers come across as logical and coherent.

However, despite the foolish transparency, selfish conviction, unpopular choices, and inconvenient ethics, every believer brings hope and opportunities for growth. The transparency sets clear goals, followed by a strong conviction that no matter how difficult the path, a strong team of skilled experts would be able to find triumph and victory.

And so, for all those people who face cunning secrecy at work, who are challenged by conspirators maligning their strengths as obstacles to everyone’s wellbeing, who witness political strategists creating unfair rivalry and contrasts to bring them down, as well as those popular actors with no professional profiles, know that you are making a big difference by being who you are. Stay united with your conscience and your community of believers. When disappointed, distressed or disheartened, trust your silence. Your peace with self, that voice within, will keep you moving.
 

Media Projection of Pakistan

In the year 2002, the media industry of Pakistan was allowed to operate private channels permitting them to present their own content through news and various programs addressing current affairs. Sixteen years on, we have an influx of different media houses, channels and social network companies showcasing digital media. Mobile phones and the internet have made news and entertainment accessible to our fingertips. Technology consumed us all, and the access to all consumed our sensibilities and pushed us to have opinions. This is what I deem as the positive impact of free media and information technology.

Now take this in perspective of Pakistan exclusively, the media has gained immense power over the years. People watch news channels 24/7 to follow current affairs, they are exposed to a plethora of dramas, newspaper articles and the medium of the internet also feeds them with visuals, written and spoken news, debates, and talk shows. This incursion of news and the sharing of ideas and opinions should have clearly educated us as a nation, owing to the very responsibility of media, educating and informing the people. And this is where I want to pose a pertinent question, “Did Pakistani media succeed in educating us as progressive, informed and educated beings?”

I do acknowledge the fact that thanks to media today, almost every Pakistani has an opinion, and engages the voice at different platforms, unlike the Pakistan of yesteryears. While I share the ideals of the true spirit of education, I’d like to focus on Pakistani television in particular. Reason being that I strongly feel that despite the popularity, it doesn’t take on the positive role that it can play in educating the mindset of an eager to learn nation of people looking for answers.

The news that comes through television the whole day either talks about failure or probability to fail. National news is all about streets flooded due to rain, abuse, honor killing, drowning, unauthorized possession of property, suicide, accidents, theft, and crime. And as soon as we shift to international news, it is about innovation, the beauty of nature, talented children and individuals, amazing rescues or love for celebrations and culture.

Doesn’t this continuous transmission of bad news bring the nation down? Is there no innovation happening in Pakistan? Does Pakistan have no scenic beauty to project to the world? Are the children in our schools and universities not making their mark in the world? Is it not important to present the colors of our rich culture? Don’t we have women breaking stereotypes? Of course, we do. But, all of these positive stories will be running on Facebook, Twitter and individuals will be sharing these success stories personally on their accounts. I believe good news should have an equal share of projection on television as it boosts the nation’s pride in self and gives people hope. The nation deserves an injection of optimism.

Furthermore, if you decide to entertain yourself picking from the dramas running with repeat telecast, you will see that they do not encompass the spirit of a Bilquis Edhi, Muniba Mazari, Sana Mir, Laraib Khelvi, Ayesha Farooq, or Arfa Karim, just to name a few. They depict our women as helpless, robbed of their integrity, limited to making their homes and defining honor and dignity in rigid lines. It’s all black or white. There is no space for an alternative definition to ‘Sharafat’ and ‘Izzat’. Titles of these dramas depict our mindset so strongly. ‘Tohmat’, ‘Badnaam’, ‘Naik Parvin’, ‘Chup Raho’, ‘Be Rehm’, ‘Khalish’, ‘Baydardi’, ‘Khasara’, ‘Dard ka Rishta’, Akhri Baarish’, Beti Jaisee’ and ‘Becharee Nadia’! While we have one of the best drama industries in the world, our women need stronger roles. We need to promote and encourage women as decision makers, holding a choice, presenting strong opinions, exploring the world, succeeding as entrepreneurs, taking risks, asking questions and being adventurous. Mistakes and failures need not be gender affiliated. I haven’t seen one drama yet that depicts the soft male image that is evolving through our generation of men who are ready to cook, care and participate in house chores. And if they are seen supporting the woman, it is reflected as a weakness.

Reflecting back to PTV, growing up I remember watching cartoons, kids’ drama serials, and educative programs. This was decades ago. Today, there are no programs for children. Nobody wants to educate our future generation about their rights and responsibilities. Education is given no priority on television. We have abandoned our puppet shows, education serials, and musical shows. It will not be wrong to state that this is the media’s gravest crime today, ignorance of grooming the future of Pakistan, and I sincerely hope to see this change in the changing Pakistan.

And now the last blow comes with our morning shows. Once aiming to focus on health, nutrition and exercise, today, morning shows are extravagant sets with hosts belittling the IQ of our people, targeting women especially. We see seemingly intelligent women and men talking to a paid audience and selling to their viewers a mediocre thought or idea. Segments of the show offer no growth through information or interaction and it’s frustrating to sit through the fake weddings and repetitive celebrity dance steps. Morning shows across the globe aim at educating the people sharing books and authors, promoting entrepreneurship through opportunities and celebrating real-life heroes making a difference in the world.

The Projection of Pakistan across the globe, in my opinion, isn’t a real one. Yes, we have much to work with, but we all love our country and know the potential that truly defines its ability to keep moving forward. Yes, we have moved up, but has our media educated us to be progressive? Has the information also made us more accepting and tolerant of the other opinion? Are we better human beings today? I leave these questions up to you.

It’s a blessing to see and know that there are many individuals, organizations and platforms that are streaming hope and optimism in our society and country, and care to share the success stories through social media network. However, this must be a priority with the media that runs the country’s narrative and is viewed by not just Pakistanis, but every other country in the world. A formal campaign should be launched to unveil our innovators, reveal the landscape that is rich in resources with its scenic beauty, and promote Pakistan as a nation of skilled, innovative and hard working people.

On Being Misunderstood

Growing up, I always wondered what it was about ‘being misunderstood’ that prompted people’s anxiety, anger and outcry. How it accelerated their insecurities not just mentally, but visually deformed their entire being. It pushed them to justify every word spoken, every action taken and the resolve to eliminate their innocent state of being in an attempt to face the world that probably didn’t deserve their goodness and niceness. And I would wonder why it triggered their imagination to the extent that the same surroundings, the familiar people, the regular environment would now appear a jungle of doubts, with fearsome animals on the hunt and no, absolutely no escape. Was this a loss of sanity, or could a world of their sorts exist? They got physically, mentally and emotionally engaged in ‘being understood’.

For a while, I believed that the society we lived in was so judgmental that people jumping to clarify their acts was but a compulsory evil. That being misunderstood was your greatest blow in life. It would leave you empty-handed, people would never trust you again and life would come to a standstill. Therefore, it was necessary to react aggressively and strategically to get out of this web of uncertainty, dubiety, and a house of labels. With such deep struggle, I assumed would come a sense of relief, restoration of a stronger identity, reinstatement of one’s pride and reassurance of self.  What I observed though was quite the contrary. In every case, to feel right, someone else had to be deemed wrong, to feel achieved, the other had to fail, to renew faith in self, stones of mistrust had to be hurled around and the entire process of self-validation led to a new world order that justified the casualties of war.

I saw these people change. I witnessed their loss of self. I watched them thrive on the attention, the sympathy and the social network that liked their status, enjoyed the comments and shared in the updates. And I wondered, “Do they know that in the process of being understood, they have lost their sense of self? Do they realize that this validation of self, has led to a much toxic existence? And I learned otherwise. This in no way suggests that toxic people are bad people as they experience all emotions and can be very loving. However, their existence in our lives can lead to unhappiness and hurt. And so, what explanation will now justify their exit? And which argument will leave oneself ‘understood’?

Experiencing life first hand has taught me that being understood or not isn’t the true essence of life. It is standing tall when being misunderstood. It is dealing with the empty spaces that no longer will be filled. It is carving a new path with confidence that you never knew existed, it is disconnecting with the vile and malice that could change your identity, and above all, it is trusting the silence that knows you so well.

Discipline Run By Empathy

Settling back in our class routines, after the break is always a challenge. Children return a little more determined to linger and stall their holiday spirit. For teachers, it seems quite the opposite. They are often anxious and ready with plans and set targets to get the term rolling.

As the winter break ended, I too returned to my Grade 6 classroom. For a while, the excitement of the reunion took precedence and I happily went along with their humor and spirit to exchange the mutual love. But soon enough, the necessity to implement the plans enveloped my senses and I began the lessons. Their eyes seemed afar, and their energies appeared detached from the core. The understanding and trust we shared seemed sketchy. There were arguments on assignments, allocation of group mates and simply following expectations. This disconnect, dampened my confidence as a teacher and the circle of trust that we had worked so hard to create, ostensibly was in danger of dissolution. More so, my daily ninety-minute lesson planning was going to waste and every day, we left the lesson unachieved. Two days of panic was enough. I decided to nip it in the bud.

Day 2 lesson ended in chaos and as it was the last period, I accompanied them in a line to the dispersal area. No greetings were shared and they too, somehow conscious of their disruptive attitudes, left without a word.

On the morning of Day 3, I entered the class silently. I had made my decision. The solution to the problem had to come from them. The order, organization, time management, and enthusiasm was a challenge they would have to create for themselves. I was done with my ramrodding and exhausting dialogue.

In an instant, they read my face. The deadlock expression was quite evident. The silence from their side, set the stage for action.

“I’m sorry, but I refuse to teach you today or any other day.” The opening statement won me their complete attention. “The chaos that you have been creating in class for the past two days, has just destroyed my passion to enter the class. Every single day, I leave the classroom wondering why I even bothered to sit at my desk for two hours creating activities and making plans for you. You tell me, did we achieve any work in the past two days?” They didn’t blink. “You made me feel like a stranger in my own classroom. I was looking for your support every minute, but no one cared. Not one of you bothered to hear me out.” A few eyes welled up. And then ‘A’ said, “I understand what you must be going through cause yesterday when my mom asked me what I did in class, I couldn’t remember anything. It was like I didn’t do anything.”

“And it’s all my fault,” I build on to his report. “I failed as a teacher. I thought I was so well-planned, so organized, so hopeful of what we were going to achieve, but l guess I was just fooling myself.” By now the class was sure that a sacred chord had been trampled upon and some fixing was needed.

I looked “O” in the eyes. “Every day, at home time, I bid you farewell. I wish you a good day. I smile at you and remind you of important events, so you wouldn’t forget or suffer. And what did you all do yesterday? Because I didn’t say ‘bye’, no body wished me? No one cared to smile at me or apologize. I wondered all day to myself, ‘if I’m not there, would they even notice my absence?’” There was a sense of genuine regret.

To embed the core value of empathy, I simply ended up saying, “I don’t know what you think of me as a teacher, but one thing I know for sure is that, this is my only hope to earn my Jannah (Paradise). What I give every day, is from the heart. And I understand, that we all have our own dreams and aspirations, but would it hurt too much to pave the way for someone who cares? Is it too much to take some time out to think about others?” They had a lot to say, but I wanted them to experience the strong presence of a compassionate and empathetic heart within. Therefore, I handed them some A3 sheets.

“I want you all to work in your groups and plan a ninety-minute lesson for English tomorrow. And don’t forget to add to it your moods, attitudes, forgetfulness, carelessness, mixed abilities, diverse energies, pacing of work, your relationships… and so on. You have forty minutes.”

They attacked their work with a renewed energy. There was cooperation through defined roles, discussion and collective will to organize a well-planned lesson, sharing of ideas and polite exchange of resources. In forty minutes, they completed 5 lesson plans, all unique and reflective of a structured, independent learning space.

After they shared their plans with the class, I thanked them for their efforts. “You all have created such wonderful lesson plans. But more than that, I was so pleased to see you all work together like a team. If I pick up one of these plans and want to implement it in class tomorrow, do you think it will work?”

They were happy to have pleased me. “Yes Ms. Shama. It was difficult to put everything in, but we are sure we did our best. All these plans are workable,” they declared excitedly. I picked one and placed it against mine. “Look, I too made a lesson plan. In fact, I make one every day. Putting a plan on paper, is preparation. But does that promise success?”

They raised their hands enthusiastically. “No, until we follow it, it won’t work.”

“You are so right. I, as a teacher alone, can do nothing with my plan. The success of my lesson plan lies with you. The 27 of you. It’s you, who make it work. The right moods, the right attitudes, being focused, accommodating all needs, being careful, tuning in our energies, managing our time, respecting every voice and having a collective goal is what makes a plan successful. Achieving a ninety- minute plan daily, is quite a challenge. But with a little mindfulness, we can help each other achieve all our targets.

In all my years of teaching, I have always managed my discipline through empathy. In a class of 25+ students, the teacher alone cannot direct the expectations. Without a sense of togetherness and common objectives, it is impossible to maintain the circle of trust. I am happy to report that before I enter the class these days, the stations are well-organized and each day, we accomplish all our tasks successfully. My paradise is finally out of danger!

The Human Connection

My childhood was all about stuffed toys, role play, story books, poetry, board games, skateboarding and cycling. I was surrounded by emotion, nature and people. Back then, my parents understood that I needed other children to socialize and develop my life skills. There was a need to learn from each other. A strong need for that ‘human connection’.

I would say that in the absence of cell phones, ipads, laptops and social media, my childhood was still quite happening. My learning came through people. I learned to read faces, body language, moods and expressions at a very tender age. That helped me deal with people better and taught me the tricks to persuade and it also provided me with the space to be understood.

As a child, my idea of enjoying myself meant being out and about. Splashing muddy water in the rain, running and playing in the winter sun, cycling with my brothers around the neighborhood streets, going to the park to watch the latest craze of ‘skateboarding’. It was looking forward to my grandma's visits and all the Islamic stories that came with her. The awe that came through such knowledge and wisdom. The art of story-telling was embedded forever.

I also remember the value of boredom. Each time that I had no one to talk to, or play with, I created something to fill that void. Once, bored with my stuffed toys, I took an old discarded piece of cloth and cut it to the shape of a rabbit. I filled it up with old shirts and with a needle and thread, I produced my own bunny rabbit. A lot of my time was spent writing letters and oh the joy of receiving mail in that letter box! I don’t think the electronic inbox could ever match that feeling! To this day, I have 100’s of letters from aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and even my brothers! These letters made me more aware of my importance and worthiness as an individual and gave me my strong sense of belonging and identity.

As a child, I started writing poetry. I wrote my first poem at the age of 10. The emotional intelligence had matured enough to give birth to lyrical language. I could make meaning out of small gestures, words spoken and their abstract connotations. There was a sense of purpose and fulfillment at a young age. I knew my voice mattered.

Today, when I look at children, I find them to be smarter and more critical of things around them. But what I find starkly missing in their lives, is a sense of achievement, purpose and identity. Their electronic gadgets have given them the space to explore and connect, but what they have robbed them off, is their sense of self.

They are exposed to shallow structures, plastic speeches, and synthetic relationships within the cyber world. In this world of technology, where every bit of our existence is powered by an alternative to self, where we are lured to create such fake identities, how do we teach our children to feel pride in who they are and help them understand that what they have to offer to the world is respected and enough. Where and how do we draw the line? This pretentious self-existence is not what childhood is all about.

One of the greatest challenges of our lives today is to switch that Wi-Fi connection to Human Connection. We have to make an effort to make our children sit down and tell them what great writers they are, just how much we appreciate their sense of right and wrong. How happy we are to see them excel at sports, how proud we feel when they accommodate others to make them happy, just how touched we are to watch them express their emotions, just how thrilled we are to be around them and what a great difference they make in everyday life. We need to touch their lives in a way that helps them make sense of all that’s around them and what a significant role they hold in transforming lives. Setting high expectations in this regard is vital.

Childhood is about fun and play, but it is also a time to discover self. A time to uncover potential and possibilities. The emotional intelligence crucial to this moment in time doesn’t come through technology, but the indispensable human touch.

Real Life Connections

Reflection is important to me. As a teacher, it helps me assess my strategies and evaluate my methodology. It helps me make changes for the better. It is this judgement that drives my creativity and helps me innovate. It also contributes to my solutions and problem solving.

As usual, it’s the beginnings that set the tone of the classroom. Therefore, the moment I met my Year 6 students, I knew it was going to be a year of exploration and discovery. The very first week, one of the boys ‘A’ approached me and said, “Ms. Shama, I didn’t want to disturb you through the lesson, but there is something I wanted to share with you.” I was concerned so I gestured him to come closer and sit down. 

“Ms. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going through puberty, so things will be difficult! There will be days when I will be lazy and then there will be days, when I’ll be very angry. Please understand that it’s not me, but the puberty at work.” I will confess that for a moment, I wanted to tell him that I was 44 years old and it seemed puberty was still at work, however, I didn’t want to burst his bubble!

“I’m glad you understand this,” I told him. “Please don’t worry, we’ll get through this together. I completely understand.”

“Is there a way though or can you suggest a plan to get through this smoothly?” he inquired.

He got me thinking, and as always, it became the centrifugal prompt in my head. I started to create stories around it and it remained in my sub-conscience. As I browsed through some books in the library, planning to teach them “Responsibility”, I came across a fantastic book titled, “7 Habits of Effective Teens” by Sean Covey. As I read through, it gave me many ideas on how to responsibly acknowledge and respond to this young boy’s query while at the same time establish a sense of responsibility to self.

I created my reading lesson around this book and decided to share these 7 habits with the class.

As I introduced the lesson, I lifted the book up for all to see and said, “This is my plan for you for the year. We are all going to develop these 7 habits to become effective individuals. Adopting these vital habits will help you understand yourself better and at the same time assist you in making intelligent choices.”

The students listened attentively as I read out each habit. I had created colorful empty maps for them to work in groups to create a plan. We worked using the Jigsaw Strategy. Each expert group managed one habit, exploring it fully, trying to create a relevance to the practice and their growing needs as individuals.

They learned about being proactive, sharing role play that stressed on being the first one to apologize, or the first one to take action and initiative. They also studied about consequences and keeping the end in mind. This group highlighted the importance of planning and taking advice. It was refreshing to witness them talk about taking responsibility for their actions. The third group learned about priorities. Through their presentation, they expressed the need to make a list of things and evaluate their choices. They focused on doing tasks on time and went a step ahead, sharing quotes like ‘Don’t leave what you need to do today for tomorrow’.

Next in line was the group presenting habit # 4, 'Think Win-Win'. As part of the speaking criteria, all members of the group had to speak. The first few speakers did a great job and explained the concept well, however the last speaker failed to contribute his voice and the group got uneasy. Quickly the class raised hands to share their ideas, “Compromise a little”, one said. “How about finding creative solutions?” And in no time, I had six great resolutions on board on how a mom and daughter could share a car to watch a movie and do groceries too. It was amazing to watch their proactive approach to the problem. “Well-done class!” I applauded. “However, as a group, it remains your responsibility to educate each member in the group on the topic. For ‘X’ not being able to speak on the topic indicates that he was either left out, or his ignorance wasn’t identified.” They all agreed that the blame game didn’t quite suffice for the point loss and it was better to become more vigilant the next time.

Habit # 5 was closest to their life and they were able to share many incidents from their life when they had felt misunderstood or had experienced rejection. “Seek first to Understand,Then to be Understood”. “Whenever I ask my mom to let me go to the mall with my friends, she says no. She needs to start trusting me. I’m not a child.” “It’s quite annoying when you’re sure about something and no one feels the same way.” “What is the point in arguing?”

Many points were raised. I asked them to tell me what they expected their parents to do in a situation like that. “I want her to trust me. I can take care of myself.” “I think they should sit down to listen. When you look at someone in the eye, you can understand how important it is to them.” “I don’t think they ever understand. It’s always a big argument.”

Argument was the key word there. “Should you argue or discuss?” I asked him. He looked confused. “It’s the same thing.” I argued on it not being the same thing, till he gave up. “You see, we reached no conclusion because we missed the reasoning. None of us talked about why it isn’t the same thing or for that matter, why you believe it to be the same thing.” He nodded and added on, “Yes of course! Also in a discussion, we don’t waste time. Like even if it’s a long discussion, in the end, you find the answers. I guess you just need to listen to the other person's point of view before you get angry and maybe their reason makes sense to you.” It was a fine discussion!

Group 6 shared their opinions on how to synergize. They presented their claims stating that sharing ideas always helps you draw intelligent conclusions. Their ideals revolved around collaboration and team work. It was evident through their presentation as they had defined roles for each member and their cooperation came through effectively. There was a round of applause as they concluded their display of ideas and we all agreed that it was a well-coordinated effort.

Finally, the last two boys approached the speaking spot. Their habit was all about renewing self. I was taken aback by their deep thoughts. “If you get bored with life, do something new. You can redecorate your room or start learning a new skill.” The other boy stepped up and said, “Go have your favorite ice-cream. It doesn’t always have to be expensive.” And they continued to amaze us with their bright views telling us to go on a holiday, visit grandma or do things differently, meaning break the rut.

I collected all their mind maps and congratulated them on their mature attitudes and approach to life. I concluded the activity sharing these words with them, “We are now going to remind ourselves to be careful about not being reactive, ignorant, lazy, selfish, arguable, uncooperative or careless. These are damaging attitudes when you are growing up. Middle School can be a beautiful experience if you take charge of your lives and exhibit a sense of ‘Responsibility’.

As I left the class, I found ‘A’ standing close to the door. “Well ‘A’, did I manage to help you with your query?” He gave me a stunning smile and replied, “In more ways than you could imagine Ms. Shama.”

A New Paradigm of Expression

Words play such a significant role in our lives. We express our emotions, our ideas, or strong opinions using words. It is evident that language is the most plausible means of communicating our dreams, desires and aspirations. In moments of joy we convey our delight and euphoria using words of felicity. On the contrary, when heart-broken we share our misery and gloom engaging elements of speech exhibiting melancholy and sorrow.
This freedom of expression that we possess as autonomous individuals is often taken for granted or compromised when we begin to believe either of the two notions; ‘no other voice matters but mine’ or ‘my vote is inept’. In this process, we tend to disregard the convenience with which we undermine the naturally gifted metacognitive skills that help us draw these conclusions.

This realization came through when I embarked on a short journey, returning home after a hectic vacation in Pakistan. The holiday was a challenging one. One that brings with it lots of questions and is crowded with expectations. The struggle was to finally get through the airport rituals and get back home. All through the process of loading suitcases and monitoring the kids, the mind remained jumbled up with thoughts that kept the senses engaged in a conflict and strong dialogue.

While I followed the trolley with the luggage, many questions popped up. Why can’t people just move on in life? Why is it such a task to just accept people as they are? Oh why do people shout to win arguments?

The children dragged themselves towards the ticket counter. “Stop running will you!” I shouted at my younger son who never sits still. He looked at me wondering what had gotten into me. My husband seemed annoyed with the crowded space and the anxiety of our subject to load seats filled him up. He signalled me to find a place to sit as it would take some time.

I sat across the hall in the waiting area. Our sour moods had transferred to our children and there was continuous bickering. I scolded them off and on. The body had given in to the exhaustion of the mind. I saw some couples enjoying the waiting while some seemed hassled with the uncertainty. The events of the seven days had completely drained my energy.

Finally, we received the boarding passes. In usual circumstances, that would have been accompanied with a victory dance, but not that day. “The seats are randomly placed. So, you can sit with the youngest and I’ll manage the other two.” My husband informed me while he strapped the tags on. I was rather glad to have been detached from the scenario that demanded conversation and discussion.

We boarded the plane and separated as the seats were far apart. I settled in with my youngest son who immediately started to play with the control panel that managed the inflight entertainment. I buckled him up and allowed him that little freedom to remain busy.

Normally I would worry about my children being placed independently without any help. But somehow, I just wanted to close my eyes and follow the departure of the plane leaving the baggage behind. The flight took off and I opened my eyes. That’s when I heard him groan. I looked to my side.

It was difficult to calculate his age. He seemed like a teenager. His mouth remained open with the groans becoming louder. He had a blanket covering his legs but I could see the deformation quite clearly. My thoughts came to a full stop. He had his parents sitting right next to him. I was looking at him intently but he seemed oblivious of that attention. The pressure in the cabin would incite him and he would begin to groan even louder showing his annoyance. The mother simply held his arm firmly and shushed him.

I placed my head to the back rest and felt deep helplessness. He could not move his arms or legs. His eyes were fixed on the table tray opposite him. They did not look around to observe the people or admire their energies. He could not stand up and take a step to feel a sense of achievement. His arms could not embrace the arrival of a new day. He had no words.

The food was served. I tried to get myself busy with feeding my son who happily picked up his delicious buttered bun and started to enjoy it.

The hostess had left a tray for the disabled boy and moved on. There was no motion. He sat gazing at the seat in front of him. His mother got closer to him. She held a towel in one hand and started to feed him. It was the most hurting spectacle and I have never been able to erase it from my memory. His mouth remained open. There was no understanding of closing it with the food in. His saliva dropped along with food particles and very little went in. He didn’t know how to gulp it in and the mother kept on cleaning his mouth and filling it. She fed him everything that was on his tray. Most of it ended up on his napkin on the lap but nevertheless, she wanted him to taste it all. He didn’t have any words to express joy or dislike, wanting more or having had enough. His mother gently nudged him on the chin and gave a slight push to close his mouth indicating the end of the food session.

By now, I had completely forgotten about my holidays. The trays were collected and lights were dimmed for people to relax for a while. I looked at the family. The parents were busy talking to each other, communicating about routine events. The boy was still staring at the seat. Then suddenly, there was a ‘chuckle’! His mother turned towards him and laughed at the sudden outburst. She placed her hand over his shoulder to give recognition to his emotion of happiness. I felt tears in my eyes. And I felt so ashamed.

My problems appeared petty in this young boy’s presence. My fears for my children suddenly felt un-necessary. My anger and frustration over a seemingly beautiful life just became meaningless. Did I even qualify to have any grudges? Life could have been just a groan or a chuckle with no words in between. No agreements, disagreements, no opinions. And then, would there have been complaints?

Our lives are valuable but our voice truly defines our individual identities. Though we explore through our childhood, discover the pains of being a teenager, observe the determination of being achievers and witness the blessings of living a worthy life, yet we haven’t really learnt what it is to be alive.

The patience with which his mother fed him, the desire with which she helped him taste each and every food ingredient, the recognition that she gave him for his groans and his chuckles through her calm and serene gestures, truly set a new paradigm of expression for me.

Logical Expression Published at MY VOICE UNHEARD

http://myvoiceunheard.com/logical-expression/

Education, upholds the fundamental belief that all children are born with the ability to interpret ideas and information depending upon their exposure to a limited or extended horizon. They hold distinct views and opinions and often hold strong conviction when provided with a platform to express. Sadly however, this journey of self-discovery is more than often curtailed owing to ‘authoritative attitudes’ and the ignorant logic of ‘obedience’.

Thinking is a skill that needs to be developed in the early years to establish the child as a Thinking Individual. Children need to be taught to value their capacity to think and use it as a successful tool in their journey to self-actualization. To reach their complete potential and be able to unfurl their learning using reason and logic as supreme.

To make this possible, they need to explore their thoughts frequently, understand the relevance of words to communicate these thoughts effectively and be able to justify their strong stance or views. Self-expression is a combination of the many soft skills such as critical observation, communication, collaboration, conflict resolution, persistence, negotiation skills etc.

Children, who are nurtured in a tolerant and opinion friendly environment, grow up to become confident and whole people. Their ability to express their choices and likes and dislikes defines them as healthy and positive spirits. On the contrary, regulating the child’s thought process based on set notions and accepted norms can lead to a starkly unfulfilled and unproductive life.

The skill to reason is primary to learning and logical expression. Therefore it is extremely important to inculcate the right attitudes that lead to a sound base. The most important attribute to reason is undoubtedly “Curiosity”. The urge to find out. The excitement to embark upon a new adventure. Curiosity must be accommodated with an open minded dialogue and by providing a platform to examine the diversity of thought. Here, the freedom to explore possibilities is crucial to building up a claim. The autonomy to share their profound proposals and designs without the fear of being ridiculed and rejected.

Once the mind starts to investigate, it leads up to the next level of reason that is “Respect for Evidence”. Here children meet up with the lessons of acceptance and logical progression in arguments. At this point, it is most important to communicate without losing the focus. All the space that is required for a fair and comprehensive study and interaction should be provided to the children maintaining the facts and realities. This will develop their ability to differentiate between argument and discussion. The tact of listening as much as speaking. The need to validate propositions.

Sometimes, while in the process to make sense, the road to success meets up with a dead end. It creates uncertainty and leaves the child with many clues but no confirmation of the truth. This can be a very frustrating and demotivating process. In this scenario, it is important to create a ladder of achievement that indicates a percentage of success attained with each step. The belief that success lies in the journey and it is important to applaud any amount of growth. The value of contribution made to the dialogue to reach a certain conclusion is an integral part of the process and in the end, every voice matters.

Expression is simpler when children are little toddlers imbibing pictures from their familiar environment and surroundings. They accept them to be the only facts and as soon as they experience a different perspective, they fall into an internal conflict. A significant aspect of their social development, conflict is the catalyst that triggers and enhances the mental capacity to reason and develop a dialogue. The argument can however leave them empty and disillusioned if not handled with sensitivity and the tools of reflection with honesty. Critical analysis or reflection is a character building tool that boosts the thinking power of an individual. It indicates a celebration of the sound mental growth.

Perseverance is yet another key to the kingdom of success. It encompasses the positive energies of a child to the faith in finding out the unknown. Here again, the significance of the teacher, parent or society is unmatched. The support that pushes the child forward in the forest of discovery can very well absorb the patience and determination needed to come to some conclusion. The fear of failure can easily take over the power of rationale and any miscalculation in these attitudes can hinder the growth of a child as a thinking individual. There is fear of developing a quitter. Here again, the absence of a platform to express disappointment and distress can lead to unhealthy perceptions of self and low self-esteem. To keep the operation in action, we need to release our fears, our sense of loss and inner turmoil to be able to replenish our faith and sense of optimism.

Reason is monumental in nature. It can be very animated or at the same time completely apathetic. In both cases, it is up to the child to use his/her imagination to help others understand the evolving logic. This is a creative process that surprisingly leads to many undiscovered paths and can lay down the foundation for a complete new standpoint. It is considered to be the only true potential that can help strengthen the quality of thinking or rather the ability to think beyond the facts. The debate that leads to infinite possibilities is fundamental to self-expression.

Teachers, often come across children in the classroom who amaze them with their capacity to think differently or in a unique manner. The lessons are much more fun, when they challenge the idea presented. There are no set formulas in a thinking classroom. There are no decided conclusions in a logical debate. The idea is to explore every abstraction and listen to all intentions without holding any judgements.

I read an interesting story in a book titled, “Teaching Children to Think” by Robert Fisher where one of the parent was telling a teacher:

“My son was almost two and we were on the street for a walk. As we stood round the corner, a man wearing a soldier’s costume appeared on the road seated quite proudly on his trotting horse. My son got really excited and shouted, ‘look daddy, there’s a big dog!’ I immediately responded, ‘It’s not a dog son, it’s a horse.’ And to this day I regret having jumped to that conclusion. I wish that I had investigated his thoughts a little more to get a glimpse of his world inside that had lead him to believe the animal to be a dog. I had encroached his space to share his beliefs and hypothesis.”

It is indeed a great lesson to have been shared. Often as teachers and parents, we jump to conclusions closing budding questions and probabilities to new inventions. We find it convenient as it saves us time and wins us some pattern of obedience. Our responses mostly highlight authority and rigidity. We categorize the vividly imaginative mind to be dull and washed out. The plethora of possibilities is left unexplored and the sprouting speculations are silenced.

Thinking or making reason is linked to some form of emotion at the core. The motivation to learn comes from striking a balance between the logic and the emotional drive to prove the claim right or wrong. The gravity and value of transferring these ‘thinking skills’ to our children, can at no point be undermined. Autonomous thinkers are logical orators. They are emotionally and socially optimistic and self-assured. Self-expression is every child’s right and it greatly determines his/her well-being and representation as a complete individual asserting his individuality with respect for diverse perspectives.

Second Chances

For some of my colleagues, I come across completely alien. Someone who is ridiculously imaginative and childishly believing. When they see me worrying over children who aren’t performing or behaving indifferently, they find me overly engaged and question my level of commitment. Their argument revolves around “lines of commitment”. They believe I cross lines and my involvement in my students’ lives is not a set expectation in the profession.

“If their parents don’t care and aren’t ready to work at home, it’s not my problem. He doesn’t do his homework, holds no focus through the lessons and frankly is a gone case when it comes to making logic.” This is the general reaction to any questions raised concerning a problematic child and any possibility of finding a solution.

Well, if the parents cared, the child wouldn’t have been a matter of concern anyways, so I find it hard to digest that logic which implies an ideal situation where we would have a classroom filled with conscientious learners, supportive parents and set agendas.

Unfortunately though, that is not only impossible to achieve but also unrealistic to imagine. Yes, even to my wildly imaginative mind!

Therefore, it is really a matter of asking ourselves one important and relevant question: Does this child deserve a second chance in life or not? Clearly, he/she isn’t responsible for the circumstances in his/her life. A child is pure in spirit and adapts to his surroundings accepting that as the only definition of life and relationships until he walks into a classroom.

In the absence of schools, children would not have the exposure to diverse perspectives and variations in life. There would be no conflict of beliefs and need to determine independent choices. No support system that promises friendships and possibilities. The school paves the way to reason and the need to ask questions.

My blog today is dedicated to a student in my middle school class. I have been teaching him English for the past 2.5 years. He comes from a troubled family and a turbulent academic and behavioural graph. In these 2.5 years, I have never seen his parents in school for any Parent Teacher meetings. He has no tutors at home and each time he digs a trench, he is suspended or placed on the detention roll.

Initially, when I started teaching him, I helped him a lot through completion of work and found him intelligent with his answers. He had very little exposure to English language and often used broken phrases translating Arabic to English. He never studied for his spelling tests or any exams. Once I caught hold of the young girl who accompanied his younger brother who was a special needs child with speech difficulties. I asked her if he had a study routine at home. She left me in tears informing me that his parents never made it home together and were at odds with each other.

The boy used to sleep through the afternoon and late evening, so he could remain awake through the night to meet his mother who followed her own regime of friends and hobbies till the early morning hours. There were days when he would come to school with just an hour of sleep. The father had no expectations and was abusive playing the blame game with the wife. He had no one to ask him about homework, or push him to do well. He had no goals, and no encouraging words to dwell upon.

I approached the counsellor who knew of his situation and she too struggled in her department trying to call in the parents who stated they were too busy. An uncle would sometimes show up in dire situations where the children would be at a risk of being kicked out for outrageous behaviour. He would plead on the grounds that they wouldn’t find admission based on their poor scores in the report card. Strict measures would be set out with a line of counselling sessions and detentions. It worked for a week and then revert to the same patterns.

I decided to talk to him off and on encouraging him to try his best. I sat with him through classes and made him complete his work. I saw that he wrote very fast and often skipped words in the process, continuously looking at the clock. I scolded him, “What is the rush? Why don’t you write neatly with focus?” He smiled innocently and retorted, “Ms. the period will be over and I won’t be able to finish it.” He had such heart-breaking fears. Completing a task meant a lot to him. He knew that would give him a better chance to score. He wanted to please someone. He was in a rush, running out of time. I felt his desperation and put my arms around him. “It’s alright. We can complete it tomorrow. I will help you through this.” He became close to me. I would never talk about his home, but would make him aware of how to manage things alone. How to set expectations for himself. I framed my own expectations related to his behaviour and everyone could see a visible change.

But not all pieces fell in place. He remained consistently in trouble in other classes and lessons. He behaved for me, did work for me and listened to me. I tried to use my strong influence and shared my disappointment each time he made a wrong choice. He couldn’t understand my hurt. He was not accustomed to people holding expectations. His expressions through our private sessions were of confusion. I knew it would take time. I further aided him by helping him complete his homework in school. This raised his performance and he made some close friends who acted as my secret agents supporting him through lessons. The first year ended with some sweet and sour experiences.

This year, something changed again. He returned to me, angrier and more committed to trouble. Every day, he would leave earlier for home using one reason or another. There was no track of his work which was always incomplete and difficult to follow through due to his irregularity. The vicious cycle led to failing grades in English. He would leave all questions unanswered. He wouldn’t touch revision sheets I would plan for him to help him catch up.

Soon I found him jeopardizing his friend’s performance and he too started losing on his grades. I felt drained with all the effort gone to a loss. In a moment of disappointment I separated him from the group. He read my loss and didn’t challenge me on my decision. He tried to talk to his friend, who had been my closest ally in the whole plan. He remained faithful and refused to cooperate in any way, understanding my concern on his grades.

It was a tough few days witnessing him alone, struggling and losing. Each time, I wanted to jump in and help him out but decided to let it be. He became quiet and there were days when I wouldn’t feel his entry and exit. It was too quiet.

And then one day, I asked the class to write a letter to someone who had inspired them to do their best. That is when he wrote this beautiful, heartfelt and emotionally rich piece to his best friend:

He clearly had learned to value relationships. The significance of acknowledging efforts made. A lesson he needed to learn the hard way. He learned to express his gratitude well. Complain, argue and reflect on self. I sat with him after I read his letter and told him how proud I was of his thought process which reflected maturity and understanding. I reassured him of his strengths and that he was responsible for his actions and accountable for his choices. I got him back into the group and hugged his friend for being such great inspiration to his pal.

Before he sat for his English exam last week, I told him not to leave any questions. He sat an hour above time to complete each and every question and managed to score a 50% on his own without any help. The joy made me go through corridors informing every one of his efforts. Yes, I’m ridiculously childish when it comes to little things in life. Something tells me that my journey with him isn’t over yet. There will be bigger challenges and each time he’ll look for someone to mark some expectations for him. I hope and pray that I’m there for him when he needs me but I know that will not be the case always. Therefore, I need to come up with a new plan for next year to help him become more self-reliant and motivated.

Yes, every child deserves a second chance because the failure or success of the journey must be to his/her credit. It isn’t fair to label a child for choices he didn’t make, for problems he didn’t create or circumstances he was born with.

There are no lines when you see a river of possibilities. There should be no roof to contain your imagination. And without expectations, there is no possibility of human relationships.