Second Chances

For some of my colleagues, I come across completely alien. Someone who is ridiculously imaginative and childishly believing. When they see me worrying over children who aren’t performing or behaving indifferently, they find me overly engaged and question my level of commitment. Their argument revolves around “lines of commitment”. They believe I cross lines and my involvement in my students’ lives is not a set expectation in the profession.

“If their parents don’t care and aren’t ready to work at home, it’s not my problem. He doesn’t do his homework, holds no focus through the lessons and frankly is a gone case when it comes to making logic.” This is the general reaction to any questions raised concerning a problematic child and any possibility of finding a solution.

Well, if the parents cared, the child wouldn’t have been a matter of concern anyways, so I find it hard to digest that logic which implies an ideal situation where we would have a classroom filled with conscientious learners, supportive parents and set agendas.

Unfortunately though, that is not only impossible to achieve but also unrealistic to imagine. Yes, even to my wildly imaginative mind!

Therefore, it is really a matter of asking ourselves one important and relevant question: Does this child deserve a second chance in life or not? Clearly, he/she isn’t responsible for the circumstances in his/her life. A child is pure in spirit and adapts to his surroundings accepting that as the only definition of life and relationships until he walks into a classroom.

In the absence of schools, children would not have the exposure to diverse perspectives and variations in life. There would be no conflict of beliefs and need to determine independent choices. No support system that promises friendships and possibilities. The school paves the way to reason and the need to ask questions.

My blog today is dedicated to a student in my middle school class. I have been teaching him English for the past 2.5 years. He comes from a troubled family and a turbulent academic and behavioural graph. In these 2.5 years, I have never seen his parents in school for any Parent Teacher meetings. He has no tutors at home and each time he digs a trench, he is suspended or placed on the detention roll.

Initially, when I started teaching him, I helped him a lot through completion of work and found him intelligent with his answers. He had very little exposure to English language and often used broken phrases translating Arabic to English. He never studied for his spelling tests or any exams. Once I caught hold of the young girl who accompanied his younger brother who was a special needs child with speech difficulties. I asked her if he had a study routine at home. She left me in tears informing me that his parents never made it home together and were at odds with each other.

The boy used to sleep through the afternoon and late evening, so he could remain awake through the night to meet his mother who followed her own regime of friends and hobbies till the early morning hours. There were days when he would come to school with just an hour of sleep. The father had no expectations and was abusive playing the blame game with the wife. He had no one to ask him about homework, or push him to do well. He had no goals, and no encouraging words to dwell upon.

I approached the counsellor who knew of his situation and she too struggled in her department trying to call in the parents who stated they were too busy. An uncle would sometimes show up in dire situations where the children would be at a risk of being kicked out for outrageous behaviour. He would plead on the grounds that they wouldn’t find admission based on their poor scores in the report card. Strict measures would be set out with a line of counselling sessions and detentions. It worked for a week and then revert to the same patterns.

I decided to talk to him off and on encouraging him to try his best. I sat with him through classes and made him complete his work. I saw that he wrote very fast and often skipped words in the process, continuously looking at the clock. I scolded him, “What is the rush? Why don’t you write neatly with focus?” He smiled innocently and retorted, “Ms. the period will be over and I won’t be able to finish it.” He had such heart-breaking fears. Completing a task meant a lot to him. He knew that would give him a better chance to score. He wanted to please someone. He was in a rush, running out of time. I felt his desperation and put my arms around him. “It’s alright. We can complete it tomorrow. I will help you through this.” He became close to me. I would never talk about his home, but would make him aware of how to manage things alone. How to set expectations for himself. I framed my own expectations related to his behaviour and everyone could see a visible change.

But not all pieces fell in place. He remained consistently in trouble in other classes and lessons. He behaved for me, did work for me and listened to me. I tried to use my strong influence and shared my disappointment each time he made a wrong choice. He couldn’t understand my hurt. He was not accustomed to people holding expectations. His expressions through our private sessions were of confusion. I knew it would take time. I further aided him by helping him complete his homework in school. This raised his performance and he made some close friends who acted as my secret agents supporting him through lessons. The first year ended with some sweet and sour experiences.

This year, something changed again. He returned to me, angrier and more committed to trouble. Every day, he would leave earlier for home using one reason or another. There was no track of his work which was always incomplete and difficult to follow through due to his irregularity. The vicious cycle led to failing grades in English. He would leave all questions unanswered. He wouldn’t touch revision sheets I would plan for him to help him catch up.

Soon I found him jeopardizing his friend’s performance and he too started losing on his grades. I felt drained with all the effort gone to a loss. In a moment of disappointment I separated him from the group. He read my loss and didn’t challenge me on my decision. He tried to talk to his friend, who had been my closest ally in the whole plan. He remained faithful and refused to cooperate in any way, understanding my concern on his grades.

It was a tough few days witnessing him alone, struggling and losing. Each time, I wanted to jump in and help him out but decided to let it be. He became quiet and there were days when I wouldn’t feel his entry and exit. It was too quiet.

And then one day, I asked the class to write a letter to someone who had inspired them to do their best. That is when he wrote this beautiful, heartfelt and emotionally rich piece to his best friend:

He clearly had learned to value relationships. The significance of acknowledging efforts made. A lesson he needed to learn the hard way. He learned to express his gratitude well. Complain, argue and reflect on self. I sat with him after I read his letter and told him how proud I was of his thought process which reflected maturity and understanding. I reassured him of his strengths and that he was responsible for his actions and accountable for his choices. I got him back into the group and hugged his friend for being such great inspiration to his pal.

Before he sat for his English exam last week, I told him not to leave any questions. He sat an hour above time to complete each and every question and managed to score a 50% on his own without any help. The joy made me go through corridors informing every one of his efforts. Yes, I’m ridiculously childish when it comes to little things in life. Something tells me that my journey with him isn’t over yet. There will be bigger challenges and each time he’ll look for someone to mark some expectations for him. I hope and pray that I’m there for him when he needs me but I know that will not be the case always. Therefore, I need to come up with a new plan for next year to help him become more self-reliant and motivated.

Yes, every child deserves a second chance because the failure or success of the journey must be to his/her credit. It isn’t fair to label a child for choices he didn’t make, for problems he didn’t create or circumstances he was born with.

There are no lines when you see a river of possibilities. There should be no roof to contain your imagination. And without expectations, there is no possibility of human relationships.