On Being Misunderstood

Growing up, I always wondered what it was about ‘being misunderstood’ that prompted people’s anxiety, anger and outcry. How it accelerated their insecurities not just mentally, but visually deformed their entire being. It pushed them to justify every word spoken, every action taken and the resolve to eliminate their innocent state of being in an attempt to face the world that probably didn’t deserve their goodness and niceness. And I would wonder why it triggered their imagination to the extent that the same surroundings, the familiar people, the regular environment would now appear a jungle of doubts, with fearsome animals on the hunt and no, absolutely no escape. Was this a loss of sanity, or could a world of their sorts exist? They got physically, mentally and emotionally engaged in ‘being understood’.

For a while, I believed that the society we lived in was so judgmental that people jumping to clarify their acts was but a compulsory evil. That being misunderstood was your greatest blow in life. It would leave you empty-handed, people would never trust you again and life would come to a standstill. Therefore, it was necessary to react aggressively and strategically to get out of this web of uncertainty, dubiety, and a house of labels. With such deep struggle, I assumed would come a sense of relief, restoration of a stronger identity, reinstatement of one’s pride and reassurance of self.  What I observed though was quite the contrary. In every case, to feel right, someone else had to be deemed wrong, to feel achieved, the other had to fail, to renew faith in self, stones of mistrust had to be hurled around and the entire process of self-validation led to a new world order that justified the casualties of war.

I saw these people change. I witnessed their loss of self. I watched them thrive on the attention, the sympathy and the social network that liked their status, enjoyed the comments and shared in the updates. And I wondered, “Do they know that in the process of being understood, they have lost their sense of self? Do they realize that this validation of self, has led to a much toxic existence? And I learned otherwise. This in no way suggests that toxic people are bad people as they experience all emotions and can be very loving. However, their existence in our lives can lead to unhappiness and hurt. And so, what explanation will now justify their exit? And which argument will leave oneself ‘understood’?

Experiencing life first hand has taught me that being understood or not isn’t the true essence of life. It is standing tall when being misunderstood. It is dealing with the empty spaces that no longer will be filled. It is carving a new path with confidence that you never knew existed, it is disconnecting with the vile and malice that could change your identity, and above all, it is trusting the silence that knows you so well.